We’ve all been perusing the net at the most inappropriate times, work, school, grandmother’s funeral. Desperately trying to avoid the seemingly deadly disease of mind numbing boredom. Of course, we inevitably find ourselves at the home base and mother of all boredom cures and procrastination tools, Facebook. Ranging from fun little pictures to deep quotes, occasionally we stumble upon a gem too funny or too striking to let go and not be shared. Below are some of the more mind-blowingly interesting or creative statuses that have been found lately.
The Kony 2012 vs. Carl Weathers Gag.
Famed Comedian Woody Allen said “Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.” Likewise the funniest facebook statuses come from a place of cynicism. The campaign Kony 2012 pinpointed some of the more obvious targets for comedy: Ignorance, Fads, Crowd Mindset, Children, Perverse Humour, and the Need to Feel both Important and knowledgeable. Every student, teenager, and would be do-gooder began preaching at the pulpit of their wall against the horrible dictator Joseph Kony. Someone, somewhere decided to put the following as their status.
Many users began posting the picture to the left on their walls with statements such as “I love this man” or “God I want to be just like him some day”. To those that are not aware. The man on the left is very different from the man on the right. The picture on the left is of Famous African American Actor Carl Weathers in Predator. But, most people were unaware and lead to the following reactions for example.
Texts from Last Night and FML Statuses
These statuses speak for themselves. They are punctual, painful, and very stupid. They are the one liners of the status community. Check Out Ten of the Winners:
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn’t sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying “Hi.” His response: “I got your best friend pregnant”. FML
Today, it’s my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she’s looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I’m going to medical school. FML
Today, my son said, “Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick.” I replied, “Well, honey, that’s normal and okay.” I then asked when it happens, to which he said, “Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes.” FML
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
Texts from Last Night
Ouch. Some of those are more than over the top laughter generators, whilst others are cringing in pain disgustingly surreal. A parallel version would be the Texts from Last Night texts and quotations. Insanely strange, encapsulating teenage angst and quintessential party life first world problems, they are a good addition to appreciate if you ever see them on Facebook.
“work has become about six times more interesting since i started f**king my boss.”
“You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose”
“I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.”
“Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more”
“so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.”
“and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”
And that’s just a sample. They get far more…. Creative as you read more. Many times Facebook has been polluted with these little tidbits of rager nights and wild times.