What are you doing for Cinco De Mayo?  Well for starters, you need to get the actual date right……

Now that we got that worked out, we know that TODAY is May 5th, CINCO DE MAYO!!! It is time to party!  Party like a……..

Yes, you must party like a Mexican rock star!  Put on your sombrero and down some margaritas!  It’s party time!

Aren’t there some Mexican Rockstars?  Isn’t that guy from M83 Mexican?  His name is Anthony Gonzales.  That name sounds very Mexican.  But, he does not qualify.  He is from France, so we can not count him as a real Mexican.

Ok, we found a real Mexican Rockstar!  Santana!  This Cinco De Mayo, make sure you get down to some “Oye Como Va” and “Black Magic Woman”

This Cinco De Mayo I am going to party like a Mexican Rockstar, get drunk on margaritas and sing Oye Como Va.

Hey, the funny facebook status of the day is the following.  It is kind of ironic and a wee bit sad.  But we love it none the less!  Please use this as your Facebook Status.  Your friends will love it!  Just post the video and do a quick copy and paste of the following:

A video of humans having sex is pornography. A video of animals having sex is a documentary.

We can thank the religious right for making sex taboo.  I mean, they do it too.  C’mon, give sex a chance

From Funny Facebook Status For Today! April 29th! Back To Funny Facebook Status

You might think that is Black Gumby, but no, it is the dude that is gonna show you how your pussy works.  Yes, that dude with the cool hair cut is Brian Mcknight.

Many are giving Brian some McCrap for his new hit single:

How Your Pussy Works (If You’re Ready To Learn)

Personally I think he should rename it to:

Mcknight On Yo McPussy

or

McPussy For Dummies

I think both titles have a certain ring to it.

If you missed this great little number, enjoy:

Brian, we love you. We dig the McPussy song

Hello ladies! If you have not watched the Super Saiyan Jaylen song about Jackin’ It To The Facebook Biznatches, then you are truly missing out. C’mon, haven’t we all secretly wanted to take care of business to the beautiful ladies of Facebook?

Bro, I can’t wait until you are much older. This video is going to follow you to the end of time. In the spirit of Super Saiyan Jaylen, here are my top Jaylen Facebook Status Updates:

1. Yea baby, Jackin off to ya Facebook piccccccsss!
2. I want you girl, to be ma tenderoni.
3. You see da lotion…. yea babyyyy!!
4. Yea baby, you know its a nut I be blowin…
5. I’m creepin on your Facebook Picture Girl….
6. Jackin off to you girl……
7. I’m jackin the night away girl…

Don’t you hate it when the power goes out when you are on the escalator?

Yes super bright escalator girl, you win the Funny Facebook Status update of the day. Watch out for the moving walk ways at the airport, I heard about some guy who got stuck on them for days when the power went out.

With any Facebook Status update, you just never know when it can go wrong. And in Emily’s case, it went way wrong.

Yes Emily, we are all laughing at your pain. That is why we are making you the Funny Facebook Status of the day.

Someone needs to make a school or night class for the old people out there. I think it should be apart of the Facebook TOS. If you are over 50, and are trying to make an account, then you have to enroll in it. Just like most states require drivers over a certain age go and get tested to drive. The Facebook police should stop old people from wrecking the lives of their children.

Facebook is NOT for old people

I have enjoyed this transition in American culture. Our parents and grandparents are all to familiar with Facebook. It is to bad that it did not catch on during the MySpace days. I would have enjoyed looking at my dad’s page, where he features tunes by Neil Diamond. I am sure he would play “Porcupine Pie” or some other hit by Neil. My mom’s page would be blasting the Moody Blues. Ah yes, that would be grand.

Without our parents, we would be stuck with making fun of each other. It is a blessing that they are on there now. More cannon fodder

My fear these days, with all of the updates and customizations of Facebook, it is driving away the old folks. I barely understand the timeline feature, how is my grandma going to figure it out? I fear that she is going to give it up. She might have to if they make it more complicated.

Hey, do you have a great big pair of Cojones? If you do, or if you are just plain insane……. Go ahead and post these funny Easter Facebook status updates:

Now for those of us that do not want to COMPLETELY tick off our relatives, we could post this Easter Facebook status:

This is one miracle that I wish Jebus could do. I mean, gas prices are crazy, and we do need some divine intervention. I mean, isn’t this a holy war? Christian nations against against Muslim ones? Where is Jebus in all of this?

Other Easter Facebook Status Updates

1. Why don’t rabbits make noise when they have sex?  Because they have cotton balls.
2. I hope you all have a better Good Friday than Jesus did.
3. Hey you all, you are old enough to be told that Jesus and the Easter Bunny are not real.
4. Jesus regrets dying for you.
5. I wish the resurrection of our lord was important enough to get the day off of work.

How Are You Going To Spend Your Easter?

You could go to church and do the christian thing. Or you could lay around and spend it on Facebook. I have a feeling most American’s are going to spend extra time this Easter on Facebook. Make it memorable! Post some killer status updates. Be sure to share them here, in the comments.

Make sure you paint a few eggs. Try to paint a few of them “Facebook Blue”. I mean, it is only fitting…. It is Easter For God’s Sake! When you are hunting on Easter, watch out for Hand Grenades!

Ok, I know this sounds weird, but some Kids in a English Village were on a egg hunt, and they found a surprise. They found a hand grenade! For the rest of the story: click here My fear is that the only bomb I am going to encounter on Easter is a Calorie Bomb. Have a safe Easter!

Hey, that “Facebook Status Update Area” thing looks like my Google Toolbar…

Yes, you should really make sure you know where you are typing BEFORE you hit the enter key. As far as funny Facebook status updates, this one takes the “cake”. That is, if “cake” is a double headed dildo
Here is a tip for all you non-tech’s out there. Learn how to delete something before you learn how to post it. This way, you can fix your embarrassments long before they become permanent. But, I know some of you will not figure this out, and I thank you for that. Without you, I would not have material to poke fun at.

How true is this? When it comes to a funny facebook status, this one is great. Please use as your status. How many times have you seen one of your friends put up a status update, and you think… “Wow, do they have anything better to do?” then you realize, that no, they do not.